I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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