just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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