cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
