Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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