you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
