I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
