dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
