The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
