real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
