You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
