Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
