....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
