We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
