how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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