why didn't you poke me back
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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