my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
