Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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