the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
