So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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