I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
