I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The Olympian is in my bed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
