Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
