She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
