I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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