I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
