Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
3 2 1 whiskey
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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