i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
