it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
