Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
