a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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