Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
