dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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