yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize