He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
