I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
