So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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