Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
