one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bring me that man meat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
