are you still at the devil's house?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
