this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize