So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize