did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
