think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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