I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
