I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
