yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize