Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
