Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
