It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
