9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at about main and main street
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
