Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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