Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
