does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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