Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
