I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize