yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
