If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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