he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
