If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Actions speak louder than pants.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize