she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
