I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
