I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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