i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
