I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
