in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
