dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
