was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
