Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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