I have demons in me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
