Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
