she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize