Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i jhust puked up my retainher.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
