turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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