i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
