All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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