so let's talk penis.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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